The unreal reality of the Kardashians

The Kardashians now with an FDA health warning

I know it won’t go on forever. I know at some point the publicity machine will come to a grinding halt. I know the cameras will stop clicking, the twitters will go unnoticed, the magazine covers will be filled with someone else and the television show will be cancelled. I know it will happen, every day I tell myself that it can’t go on forever. It can’t go on forever can it?

Please, please god tell me it can’t. Please tell me that this Kardashian nightmare that I live in will soon be over.

I simply can’t take it anymore; it just doesn’t make sense, none of it.

I don’t read the glossy magazines that always seem to have a Kardashian on the front cover. I don’t watch her “unreal reality” television show. I don’t watch any of the entertainment shows that thrive on celebrity. I no longer read The Daily Telegraph but I still cannot avoid seeing or hearing about the Kardashians.

I just want to make it through a day without having to see their faces or hear the name Kardashian.

I know we are living in the age of celebrity. I understand that people no longer want to be famous for being talented. No, being a famous singer, dancer, musician, actor or painter requires hard work, skill, determination, struggle, failure, pain and luck.

There is an easier and far more lucrative route that can now be travelled and the Kardashians are riding it all the way to the bank.

Maybe If I had watched a few episodes of” Keeping Up with the Kardashians” or “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” I would have understood the phenomenon.

Hmmmm nope, nothing there that could explain the phenomenon, just a poorly acted and scripted “unreal reality” show. That’s 1.07 of my life that I will never get back.

But maybe I’m still being too harsh, I mean Kim, the real star of the Kardashians hardly got a word in. It was dominated by Khloe, who definitely got handed the ugly glands in that family.

In the words of the great John McEnroe, “you cannot be serious”! Kim Kardashian has the personality of a cement block! Seriously, what is going on here?

Yes she is attractive but there are thousands upon thousands of equally attractive women in the United States gagging for work in the entertainment industry. Surely they could do a better job than the tripe served up by Kim Kardashian.

She is a vapid, boring, vessel of selfishness. At best she is a fifteen year old boy’s wet dream.

So what is driving this insane popularity? Surely to Christ people can’t be entertained by the contrived lives of the Kardashians?

Maybe we can at least try and drum up some sort of conspiracy theory to explain this idiotic fascination with the Kardashian clan…

Deep in the bowls of NBC Universal, one of the world’s largest media and entertainment companies, owned by Comcast Corporation the largest cable operator in the United States and multinational conglomerate General Electric, executives and marketing gurus are huddled together over a large mahogany table.

“We need a new creation to market to the masses” cries the fat, bald man at the head of the table. “Someone that the intellectuals will despise and ridicule but still watch, and someone the morons and feeble minded will adore and salivate over”.

“We need an attractive vessel that looks good but is unknown who we can mold and create” yells one of the marketing executives, desperate to be heard.

“How do we launch this vessel into the multimedia superhighway?” asks the fat man.

The sound of papers shuffling, the clearing of throats echoes around the crowded room…apprehension and nerves envelop the gathering executives.

A young assistant at the back of the room stands, everyone turns and looks at the nervous want-to-be-go-getter.

“A sex tape” he utters.

“What do you mean, what sex tape, who will be on this sex tape” yells the fat bald man.

“We make a sex tape, leak it to the media and launch the career of an unknown starlet. And I know a woman who can be our vessel, her name is Kardashian”.

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Tags: Keeping up with the Kardashians, Kim Kadashian

This entry was posted on December 9, 2011 at 9:15 am and is filed under Conspiracy Theories, Entertainment, Lachlan & James, The Hitchens Files. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.