Frankly i don't give a damn

Isn't it football season yet?

Dear Mr Evans/Mr Hird,

I thought I’d write you a letter. Not because I think you will care what I have to say but it helps me feel better to get it off my chest. At least that what therapists say it does and I can’t afford a therapist.

I am a lifelong Essendon supporter but not a member for past 10 years. These days I go to local games in the Northern Football League (NFL) where I get to see contested attacking football. Sure the skills aren’t as good and the players aren’t as fit but frankly it’s more entertaining and it reminds me of the way the game was played in the VFL when I was growing up. At the local ground I also don’t have to put up with all the crap the AFL dishes up with their unwavering desire to squeeze every available cent out of the public before they spend their precious broadcast rights and advertising funding.  Gotta flush that 200 mil down the dunny in Penrith and Broadbeach I suppose.

And while I’m thinking Gold Coast what was the story with the match at Etihad being fully ticketed this year? Was there yet another sweetheart deal with Ticketek to force everyone to pre book a seat to a low attendance match and get an extra $6 a head booking fee? How does the divvy up of the spoils work on that little scam?

I read with some interest your plight today regarding the new training venue and the funds you are chasing from your supporters to finance it. Only 400k received towards the 5 mil target eh. A mate of mine joined the Essendonians but didn’t renew after 1 year. Bit too snobby and clicky he said but heaps of cash so I reckon those rich folks’ll hook you up with the moula. Good luck with that. If the ‘family day’ debacles I’ve attended these past 2 years are anything to go by I’m tipping more than a few average Essendon fans will pass on the opportunity to give you some more money. They’re apparently still choking on their membership cost rises and paying the parking fines from the family day.

Jim, I didn’t bother to line up with my kids for 3 hours to get any ‘autographs’. I could tell by the look on your face you’d rather have been having a public vasectomy than sit in that tent scribbling away. I’m the same age as you and when I was a kid I got a book full of signatures in the rooms after games. You know Timmy, Vander, TD, Budgie and Sheed’s with his glorious swirling and looping K and S. In the 80’s the players actually wrote their names and you could actually read them. Today it’s a mindless squiggle dished up in a hurry with a number beside so we can try and identify who the hell wrote it later on. It’s symptomatic of everything I hate about the AFL and it’s getting worse. Here’s my top 5 bitches.

5. Knobs trying to flog overpriced Record’s by holding them in your face and screaming recccorrrddd!!! Like you can’t see them as you walk by and then having another crack walking the aisles during the first qtr blocking my view of the game.

4. The car park at the MCG. I haven’t used it for years but if I’m walking through it I look at the zombie’s facing a 45 minute idle to get out and I often think of all you special people cruising out from downunder onto Brunton Ave and quickly down the highway to your lovely homes in the inner east.

3. 50 metre penalties given for stepping over an invisible mark by 2 cms resulting in a goal.  Yeah poetry in motion that one and a great way sell the game to foreigners.

2. The draw. Under no circumstances should the fixture ever be called a draw when the whole FIXture is unbalanced and fixed to maximise revenue and minimise equality. A real comp should be 17 rounds plus finals end of story!

1.The banners. Enough already! Why do we need 4 grown men to hold up a 3 metre pole that’s speared into the ground at each end of some poxy unfunny tissue paper sign with 3 more clowns straining away at ropes(on either end) in a bloody windless indoor stadium??? The players have no interest in the banners. They try to avoid them and duck under them. They are just embarrassing. If you want to be first at something be the first club to dump the banner or at least ban people over 15 from holding it up.

Now despite all my complaints I do wish you guys all the best for next year. I hope you win 12+ games and play finals again. I especially hope you beat Carlton twice. I hate those bastards more than the AFL!

Sincerely, White

Tags: AFL, Essendon

This entry was posted on December 1, 2011 at 5:48 pm and is filed under Sport. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.